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| goodbye xanga, hello tumblr. | | |
| I don't wanna hear it. I don't need to hear it. I've never felt so disgusting, so ashamed of myself ever in my life. He doesn't deserve this. I don't deserve him. I always said I would never do it, ever. And now I'm a hypocrite. I am now one of them. And I hate it. I'm going to hate myself forever. I'll never be able to forgive myself for my actions. I guess 10 days doesn't matter much anymore. He'll hate me forever. He'll never want to see my face again. I can't believe I did this to us. I had so much confidence in us, and so much trust and I knew we could do it. But I guess life really doesn't work out that way. I really did believe that life was like a fairy tale. At least mine was anyway. But that all came crashing down in a matter of one night. Just one night is all it takes for you to ruin your life. | | |
| You know it's a good day, and I'm in a good mood when I start jamming out in my room, or dance my way to class or Bentley. My day looked up today. It ended very well, and I'm very pleased to say that my mind has calmed itself, and I'm back in my good ways. I can feel a good rest of the week coming on. I have great people surrounding me, and supporting me and helping me. I couldn't ask to meet better people. I'm finally starting to love this place and the people in it. Good days are a-coming.
11 days could not come sooner.
Shout out to Dan's grandmother who passed last night. He went back home near us for the rest of the week. He's doing alright, and he's surrounded by family now. | | |
| this is it. my mind is racing so fast, my heart is beating out of my chest. i can't focus. i'm tripping out. the tears are starting to form. i can't keep doing this to myself. i haven't cried in a few days. i thought i was done with this. i really really don't know what i'm going to do. i never thought i'd see the day that he'd be out of my life. i never though i'd ever have to say goodbye like this. and it's killing me inside knowing how much he's gonna hurt, and knowing that i'm going to cause him so much pain. i don't want that on my mind. i don't want to be the one to hurt him. i can't have that. but it must be done. i don't want him to hate me, and i don't want to stop talking to him. why can't someone just tell me what to do and make this a little easier? honestly, i have thought about being single up here and yeah it'd be a lot of fun. how will i know if he's the one if i haven't dated other people? very true. but i'm so scared to date other people. it'd be a whole new environment and experience for me, but that's what college is. i'm hoping for some kind of sign to appear that will lead me in the right direction. | | |
| We always said we'd be friends forever. College wouldn't change anything. We would talk all the time, and stay close. Apparently I've been left out of this plan. Thanks guys. Glad to know you still care.
It started again yesterday. 13 days to go. I am really excited, but I'm also a little nervous. What if I don't get butterflies when I see him? What if my feelings have changed? What if? I always said it wouldn't matter if we broke up, because we'd be together in the end anyways. That statement is starting to change day by day. I never though I'd ever meet another guy that was ever compareable to him. I have met 2. As much as I would love to be single here and enjoy myself, I also love being in a relationship, especially the one I'm in. I am not a decision maker at all, and this is probably one of the biggest decisions I'll make.
I've spent so much time with him in the past 2 days. I've never trusted someone so much. He's the perfect guy, and I am still baffled as to why he is still single. He'd treat any girlfriend like a princess. He's so sweet, and so caring and so thoughtful. He's genuine and intelligent and mature. He's got a great head on his shoulders, and he's got the cutest smile. He's perfect.
No one said it would be easy, but no one mentioned how hard it would be. | | |
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